- Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
- If everything is going your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
- If Barbie is so popular then why do we have to buy her friends?
- I couldn't repair your breaks so I made your horn louder.
- For Sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
- Everyone have a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- Join the army, visit exotic places, meet interesting people and kill them.
- Never argue with a fool, people may not know the difference.
- Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
- Cheer up! The worst is yet to come.
- They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take a chance.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist, he never expects it back